my senses have been really heightened today and it really worries me when that happens because it just reminds me of things. i know it doesn’t mean anything i just don’t like it. i remember hardly being able to bear the feeling of clothes against myself, only being able to wear things that hardly fit at all so the fabric wouldn’t touch me, and shoes too big with no socks. sometimes i wish i could have just been able to respond to it in anyway i wanted, without any kind of social cap on things, because despite my mental state i still remembering caring so deeply, more than ever, what people thought of me.
i remember one of the women, i won’t go into too many details about her but she was simultaneously the most terrifying and most intriguing person i had ever met. she threatened people with forks at meal times on a daily basis, would go alternate days either screaming at anyone who challenged her or not speaking at all, wearing six layers of clothing in the sunshine. and she had two huge plastic boxes with little sections in for hundreds of different types of beads, clasps and chains and when she was feeling okay she would get her box out, but no one else was allowed to touch it or even look at it. and after a few days of me being there she let me make my own necklace with her beads. i think it was then that i realised i was okay because i had some kind of perspective as to what it meant for me to be making a necklace out of this woman’s beads. the only things she had.
